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Question
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three months now. However, we met online almost two years ago and know a lot about each other. Apparently we don't know enough though as we seem to be spending a lot of our time on the phone arguing. We have tried to have a conversation addressing our concerns with the relationship and each other. However, he doesn't seem to be able to see my point of view on anything. For example, I want him to stop looking at porn online all the time and he makes the excuse that he just likes to look at attractive women and has a fetish that can only be realized through online pictures. I also want him to make an effort to write to me or call more instead of me having to do all the writing and calling. He also has female "friends" online tthat he discusses sex and erotica with without tellnig them he has a girlfriend. There's also another "friend" online that has me worried. He has been interested in her sexually for over a year and wants to start a relationship with her. He doesn't deny this to me even though he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that she wants "nothing to do with him" in that arena. I can't believe that though because in the past they have exchanged very sexual conversation. I mean VERY sexual. He claims they no longer talk like this, but he has yet to tell her we actually met in person and that we are involved in a relationship. He claims his conversations with her are "too short" to tell her this, but they seem to have time to discuss other things. She even sent him a picture of her finally. I really don't know what to do. I love him and he says he loves me, but i guess i just don't know. We talk almost every day on the phone and our conversations have always covered pretty much everything, but I guess we've just been kinda testy lately. please help!
Answer
you have to decide if this particular type of guy meets your requirements for the kind of person you really want to be with; that means, can you accept a guy who has a higher than average interest in sexual stuff, and other women? it appears you've made this all too convenient for him; if you want him to initiate contact, stop writing/calling until HE does; as to his professing love, go by his behavior, not his words...my feeling is he'll stay in this as long as he can have it all his way...decide what's acceptable and what isn't, and lay it on the line to him, not accepting anything less than you deserve, otherwise this "player" will only get worse...az
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three months now. However, we met online almost two years ago and know a lot about each other. Apparently we don't know enough though as we seem to be spending a lot of our time on the phone arguing. We have tried to have a conversation addressing our concerns with the relationship and each other. However, he doesn't seem to be able to see my point of view on anything. For example, I want him to stop looking at porn online all the time and he makes the excuse that he just likes to look at attractive women and has a fetish that can only be realized through online pictures. I also want him to make an effort to write to me or call more instead of me having to do all the writing and calling. He also has female "friends" online tthat he discusses sex and erotica with without tellnig them he has a girlfriend. There's also another "friend" online that has me worried. He has been interested in her sexually for over a year and wants to start a relationship with her. He doesn't deny this to me even though he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that she wants "nothing to do with him" in that arena. I can't believe that though because in the past they have exchanged very sexual conversation. I mean VERY sexual. He claims they no longer talk like this, but he has yet to tell her we actually met in person and that we are involved in a relationship. He claims his conversations with her are "too short" to tell her this, but they seem to have time to discuss other things. She even sent him a picture of her finally. I really don't know what to do. I love him and he says he loves me, but i guess i just don't know. We talk almost every day on the phone and our conversations have always covered pretty much everything, but I guess we've just been kinda testy lately. please help!
Answer
you have to decide if this particular type of guy meets your requirements for the kind of person you really want to be with; that means, can you accept a guy who has a higher than average interest in sexual stuff, and other women? it appears you've made this all too convenient for him; if you want him to initiate contact, stop writing/calling until HE does; as to his professing love, go by his behavior, not his words...my feeling is he'll stay in this as long as he can have it all his way...decide what's acceptable and what isn't, and lay it on the line to him, not accepting anything less than you deserve, otherwise this "player" will only get worse...az
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